The Lady of Slytherin-The Marriage Contract
by Nemesis13
Summary: It's fifth year, Lillith Potter is already annoyed with Umbridge still being amongst the living and having to study for her OWLs when she receives a letter from the Ministry. She is required, by law, to marry a significantly older wizard to 'Preserve Her Bloodline' in a heavy handed attempt to control her future. More the fools are they. Dark Humor One-Shot.
**So I like writing strong female leads, and I recently delved into the 'Marriage Contract' and 'Marriage Law' sub-genre and found myself disgusted with the majority of them. They aren't poorly written...mostly...but they are basically legalized slavery and in some cases rape. So I asked myself, 'Self, how would the Lady of Slytherin handle this situation?' My response, 'By removing the threat entirely'. So enjoy this oneshot, it was amusing to write. If none of you have read my story 'The Lady of Slytherin-Dark Beginnings' Lillith Potter's Marauder name is Quill in case you get confused**

 **Oh yeah, this is a Nemesis13 story so expect dark humor and violence.**

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The Lady Slytherin, one Lillith Dorea Potter-Black was calmly eating breakfast beside her girlfriend, Hermione Granger, and her best mates Blaise Zabani and Draco Malfoy when the morning post arrived. Lilly wasn't actually expecting any post, Umbridge's draconian rule pretty much assured she would receive nothing from the outside world any time soon.

She really needed to get around to killing that bitch. Problem was she was torn between Hermione's suggestion that they trick her into the Forbidden Forest to offend the Centuar herd which would have squicky results, and her own plan to transfigure her into a toad and see if she couldn't hatch a new basilisk. Miss Blinky got lonely easily and Lillith's enslaved Dementor Mister Inky really wasn't the best of company, he was still grouchy about the whole not allowed to eat the souls of children thing.

That all being said, she was surprised to have a letter from the Ministry for Magic land on her plate, glancing up at the high table Lillith took one look at Umbridge's all too pleased visage and felt honest unease. Picking up the heavy envelope she tore it open and upon reading its contents blinked rapidly before handing the letter off to Hermione, who began hyperventilating once she took it in.

Draco and Blaise exchanged looks before leaning forward to whisper to the two most important witches in their lives, "Lillith, Hermione what's going on?"

Lillith turned to meet Draco's mercury grey gaze and gave him a watery smile, "It would appear that the Ministry has decided I am to be wed."

Ten minutes later Lillith and company found themselves in her adoptive father's office as the raven haired teenager paced back and forth muttering to herself. Severus for his part was frantically shuffling through the stacks of parchment relating to this new decree and couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"Dearest, this...this law could only have been made to force _you_ into a marriage with an of age Pure-Blood wizard, the statutes and stipulations are too bizarrely specific. Simply put you are the _only_ underage witch who currently holds claim over three Ancient and Noble houses. This insistence that the marriage is to guarantee the continuation of said houses is nonsense, they wish to have you wedded and pregnant within the month and you're only fifteen!"

Turning to her dad and ignoring her girlfriends sobs as Draco and Blaise tried to comfort her the young teen spoke quietly, "Who exactly do they have me paired with?"

He grimaced, "Jarvis Selwyn, he is thirty years your senior and a supporter of the Dark Lord..." Lillith nodded at that stroking her chin lightly.

Eventually she replied in a no nonsense tone, "I have a week to make preparations correct?" All present were surprised at her lack of reaction but Severus nodded slowly as he took in his daughters grim visage.

"What are you going to do Lilly?"

Her mask fell away as a mad gleam took to her eyes and a Cheshire cat grin crawled up her face, "Oh the same thing I do every time some inbred fool gets in my way." A shiver passed through all present and they did their best to not think about what was going to happen next.

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The next day, with a bit of help from Kreacher who was only too glad to aid his 'Little Mistress Black' Lillith had all the supplies and tools necessary to complete her project spread before her. Auntie Bellatrix had told her on more then one occasion that simplicity was best, especially when you were outsmarting people who were playing checkers against a chess master.

The trick was she couldn't have any magic involved in the items construction, if the targets wards sensed any ambient echoes the trick wouldn't work. The payloads thankfully were, by nature, sealed so there was no risk of those being chemically detected. The devices themselves were just cheap steel piping thus completely innocuous, hefting a hacksaw she got to work.

Cutting individual lengths of pipe she took one piece that had a slightly smaller diameter then its companion and smiled as it slide into its opposite smoothly.

Threading the end of the wider pipe she then took a tack nail and very carefully used the portable welder to set it in the inside center of the screw on cap. Making sure the weld was secure she twisted the cap in place and moved the smaller piece back into position, pumping it up and down she made a completely inappropriate sex joke and laughed to herself.

"Ah one down, and twenty seven more to go, it was _awfully_ nice of all those supporting this law to leave their signatures on the document, wizards, really."

Two days later twenty eight owls left Hogsmeade and spread across the British isles, one such delivery was dropped on the desk of Lord Jarvis Selwyn. Eyeing the paper wrapped parcel warily the middle aged wizard removed his wand and scanned it for curses, poisons, and potions, coming up clear he shrugged and placed his wand on the desk.

Tearing the paper away he took in the colorful box that had 'Quill's Curios of Curiosities!' engraved across it. Lifting the lid he allowed an eyebrow to raise as he took in the boxes contents, two lengths of highly polished metal tubing, one with a thick cap on one end, and a finger length glossy red cylinder.

Picking up the cylinder he stared at it in curiosity, it was rather hefty, one side seemed to be pressed shut and the other was capped with a rimmed cap that seemed to be made of brass. It's only distinguishing markings was a firmly stamped in '00 Buck 12 Gauge'. Was...was this something to gauge stags or the such? Why would someone send him something like this?

Noticing a colorful card on the inside he read it quickly:

 ** _Presenting the newest invention for the well bred Pure-Blood from Quill's Curios of Curiosities! This amazing device can only be activated by those of the purest and most magically powerful of families so if you are unsure of your prowess do not attempt to use this product! The Future Scope (Trademark Pending) will allow the worthy wizard to see their future rush before their eyes! Simply place the cartridge of foresight (the red cylinder) into the smaller pipe and make sure the brass sets firm on the end! Carefully place the open end to your dominant eye and place the larger pipe over its twin. One must then slam the two pipes together as hard as possible and the future shall be revealed!_**

Intrigued and seeing no harm in trying out the novelty since none of his wards and scans had been triggered he followed the instructions to the letter. His house elves were startled as a massive ***BANG!*** was heard from their masters office, they popped into the room and screamed as they took in their masters headless body and the gore stained wall behind it.

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Lillith Potter was humming to herself tunelessly when the morning post arrived, an owl landed before her offering up a copy of the Daily Prophet, paying the small animal she snapped open the paper and grinned widely reading the headline.

 _ **MASS MURDER OF PROMINENT PURE-BLOODS! NO TRACE OF MAGIC STYMIES INVESTIGATION!**_

Letting out a self satisfied smile she leaned over and pecked Hermione on the cheek earning a blush in return. Glancing back at the paper she couldn't help chuckling darkly, honestly, when were people going to stop trying to control her life?

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 **Lillith is a very 'Get to the point' kind of gal, hope you enjoyed this little one shot, get it one shot? Because she made zip guns? Eh...whatever... Heh, please review!**


End file.
